IM NOT JOKING IVE BEEN LOSING MY MIND OVER THIS I FEEL SO STUPID SO SO SO SO STUPID STUPID STUPID STUPID STUPID STUPID STUPID STUPID STUPID STUPID STUPID !!!!!!!!!

WE WERE UP AT OUR LOOKOUT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT AND IDK WHAT IT WAS IN THE AIR BUT BEV GOT REALLY INTROSPECTIVE AND I THOUGHT IT WAS HOT AS FUCK AND IDK I WAS SO LOST IN THE MOMENT AND I GUESS SHE WAS TOO?????? AND THEN WE FUCKING KISSED!!!!!

AND I GUESS IT FELT GOOD? LIKE REALLY REALLY REALLY GOOD!!! BUT AFTERWARDS I GOT THE BIGGEST PIT IN MY STOMACH LIKE MY FACE MUST HAVE BEEN BEET RED CAUSE I WAS SO DAMN EMBARRASSED WHEN I PULLED BACK AND SAW THE LOOK ON HER FACE. SHE DID NOT SEEM AT ALL OKAY WITH WHAT JUST HAPPENED AND I WANNA FUCKING RIP MY HEART OUT LIKE I CANT FUCKING HANDLE THIS!!!!!

I SWEAR TO GOD ITS LIKE IVE BEEN GETTING NIGHT TERRORS ABOUT THIS SHIT. IT FEELS LIKE A FUCJKING NIGHTMARE. IM GONNA TRY TO GO TO BED AND I REALLY HOPE WE CAN BOTH JUST FORGET ABOUT THIS UGHHHHHHHHH